I've woken up to a burglar in my room and yes, it's fucking terrifying. I was so confused that at first I thought it was my friend and I actually said her name, ("Maria?") and then it hit me that uhhhh, it's a burglar and (I laugh about it now) my first instinct was to yell at the top of my voice, "YOU MOTHERFUCKING… » 7/15/14 9:59pm 7/15/14 9:59pm

On LSD once back in the day, I was pretty sure that the way to clean up some spilled water was to dump talcum powder on it to absorb the water. Surprise, it didn't. But it was fucking hilarious, and slippery, which kept me entertained for hours and then got me a nasty visit from the RA on my floor at 4am. Oh, good… » 7/14/14 5:11pm 7/14/14 5:11pm

And those fuckers up there aren't standing next to just a toy store, it's a store that was owned by a woman who was brutally murdered, along with her husband and two small daughters, in a home invasion in 2006. They weren't shot, but the Harvey murders were sickening and really hit the community hard. » 7/03/14 4:14pm 7/03/14 4:14pm

It's cave-man stuff because if another man has had "your" woman, you look bad. Your status is inferior to the alpha male that impregnated your woman. And then you are forced to care for your rival's child. Your woman has been ruined, or worse, you've been cuckolded and she's laughing at you and taking advantage of… » 7/02/14 8:33pm 7/02/14 8:33pm

Back in the early 90's when I was at VCU in Richmond, I walked out of my little corner market one afternoon and observed a guy parked out front, in his Beemer convertible, shiny suit and slick hair, being a total douchebag show-off by loudly talking on his giant early-90's cell phone for all to see. At that young age,… » 7/02/14 2:56pm 7/02/14 2:56pm

I helped Donald Sutherland buy some books back in the day when I was a retail slave at Barnes & Noble. I will never forget the frisson of hearing that voice in person. He has always been so handsome and terrifying. In real life, he was super nice. I tried to keep it together while quietly freaking out inside and… » 6/25/14 2:49pm 6/25/14 2:49pm